I've been pondering some things regarding self image, self worth and personal change. I'm still in the process of sorting it all out but hope to post something soon. In the meantime I had this little mind flash and decided to change the name of the blog site to 'Thoughts from a Padawan...' . In case you don't know a Padawan is a Jedi apprentice. OK - while I'm not really a Jedi apprentice I am striving to return to live with God and Jesus Christ and perhaps learn to be as they are... thus I am a Padawan with an adjusted definition... a God apprentice if you will - with a long way to go...

Stay tuned for my thoughts on self image, self worth and personal change. The pondering is a result of several posts on Facebook regarding these subjects. Cheers...

OK, so I've been a little distracted . . .

I started this blog with good intentions, and we know where that road leads . . . Sheesh - last post was September 2009?? Seriously??

2009 was a really tough year. Not the toughest I've ever had, but it's up there in the top ten, maybe the top five.
My wife, Kim, and I just started new jobs. Kim was unemployed for over 18 months. I was unemployed for almost 9 months. Kim's job is temporary, but has good potential to lead to something permanent. My job is the worst!! I'm making less now than while on unemployment, and the benefits are the worst I've EVER seen. So why are we doing this???? Well, we're doing this to try and save our house. Let me first say that while it may seem that I'm seeking a pity party - I AM NOT. Let me explain.

We really like our house. We've lived here for over six years and are very settled in. I get to grow a nice sized garden every year. Kim has flower beds and the garden to work in. We are very close to the river green belt, and less than ten minutes from downtown and less than ten minutes from the freeway - but our neighborhood is developed, quiet and friendly. Our house is a small tri-level - so not a lot of upkeep is needed, but we have room for the grand kids to come over and spend the night - or for out-of-town family to visit. We really like our house.
So, we are driven. Funny how that works. We have tried really, really hard to get jobs comparable to what we've had before - very hard right now. So, we made a decision that if we couldn't get what we wanted by the first of the year, we would take what we could get. After all, we were making more on unemployment than most of the available jobs were offering.

Well, we both started out in a call center. I gotta tell ya, if you think you've seen it all . . . and you haven't worked in a call center . . . then you haven't seen it all. Well, Kim got out before her training was even over and went to work for the Idaho Legislature. Sweet deal, but no long term and no benefits - but good potential to lead to something better. I'm still at the call center. I get up at 3:30am to start my training class at 5:30am. Man . . . I must really love my house.

As I said, this isn't seeking a pity party. What I've been thinking is this . . . The natural man is usually driven to take the easy path - to seek the easy results . . . but when we want something bad enough it's amazing what we are willing to do . . . no matter the sacrifice, the effort, or the trials, to get the results. I guess that's what Kim and I are going through right now. We'll see how long we last. We'll see just how bad we really want to keep this house.

I believe in miracles . . .

Miracles - are they real? I believe they are. But, I also believe that many people wouldn't recognize a miracle if they witnessed it; further more I believe that if one is not a believer, by that I mean having faith in a higher power, then the concept of a miracle is probably lost on those folks. I mean, after all, where do you think miracles come from?

I recently heard about a couple of people discussing miracles. Both were raised in christian homes - actually in LDS homes. One person was talking about miracles she had heard about, and was fully engaged is talking about how "awesome" it was. The other was not at all quick to believe. "But how can that happen?", "That can't be real," were some of the responses. The difference is that one of these people still embraces Christianity, still attends her Mormon church. The other has not attended, but rarely, since high school. My answer . . . when you don't regularly practice your faith, strengthen your faith, and share your faith, then faith dims. Without faith, there are no miracles.

I think it's a bit ironic. You might think that a miracle would be just the ticket for someone who had lost their faith, when in fact they probably would excuse it away and not even see it for what it was . . . a miracle. And the faithful, well you might think they don't really need miracles, I mean if they're already faithful, then why waste a miracle on them? I think the answer is simply this: God loves us, and miracles are one of his ways of saying, "Thanks!" to the faithful. I, for one, am truly grateful that miracles exist.

First blog ever . . .

I'm pretty sure I've commented on blogs before, but I've never "blogged". I do think a lot though, and I've decided to start putting those thoughts on "paper" ;-). So, here is my first blog. Who knows what will land here. After my divorce, many years ago, I filled pages with thoughts which came to me. Some were about my feelings, some were about what I thought others thought; it was random, but it helped to get it out. In recent years I've not written things down so much and I know I need to. This will be fun (and cathartic), you know, to get it out, and then see if anyone cares, or to see what other people think about my thoughts.
I can tell you that the posts will cover the gamut . . . from spiritual to political, and thought provoking to "what the what???"
If you find this blog, stay tuned . . . who knows what will end up in here. It will be fun to hear from you also.